7-19-16 Trust me.

I know. I know. I just this second published a blog. But that one was dull and just about my travels and I wanted to tell you another story I've been mulling...

My father-in-law, Dale, was a sharecropper's son in Arkansas/Oklahoma, one of eight children. He got an engineering degree and moved to Nebraska where he started a business (Ag-Tronic) with one of his brothers.

I wish you could have known him. He was energetic. He was smart. He worked hard (I actually think maybe too hard--where was the fun??) He was always full of ideas of ways to make things better. He invented tools to fit a need. Smart, independent man. Sure, rather bossy and domineering...he wanted things done his way, no compromise.

Dementia.

It is heartbreaking. He would be so mortified to see what he has become. He cannot speak anymore, cannot walk. Falls multiple times per week because he won't give up his independence and use the walker or wheelchair. Oftentimes he can't feed himself. He is angry and frustrated. Very angry and frustrated.

My mother-in-law, Dolores, takes such great care of him. She visits the memory care facility daily and combs and cleans and lotions and brushes his teeth and changes him. She gives him kisses and hugs (which, despite all he's lost, he still loves).

Some might ask, "Why is God keeping him here to suffer like this?" And I have pondered that also. I think I've come to the conclusion that it is not about Dale anymore. Maybe God wants to see me show love and caring for this vulnerable person. Maybe it's to teach me things. Just a thought...

When Dale was still living at home he would not listen to reason. He would be determined to saw through a pipe or shovel snow in -40 degree windchill. I'm sure my MIL wanted to say, "I know you don't agree with me right now, but can't you just trust me?"

I wrote that phrase to her the other day about an issue. Later she emailed me back and said that she had prayed to God for guidance and then read my email. She viewed it as a sign from God!!! I called a couple of my kids and told them, "GRANDMA SAYS I'M THE VOICE OF GOD!!!! You should listen to all my emails and words and obey them!!!" :) Neither one was convinced. Neither was Loy. I'm totally unappreciated!!!!

But this got me to thinking about trust. What does it take for a person to trust someone?

1. I've got to know them.
2. I've got to have a history with them acting in ways that foster my trust.
3. I've got to have confidence that they know what they're talking about.
4. I've got to let go of my own ideas, feelings, actions.

It's not something they can just tell me and I will. It takes the action to back it all up.

So...if I want to trust God more I've got to:

1. Get to know Him.
2. Read about ways He's been faithful and trustworthy in the past--in the Bible. Also, think about ways in my own life He's already shown His trustworthiness.
3. I've just got to decide that He is worthy...that He knows more about things than I.
4. I've got to let go.

I usually don't want to let go--I mean, people should listen to ME, right??? Basically, I guess I don't want to trust. It's scary. It doesn't always make sense, logically.

But, I don't know everything. (I know, this shocks you.)

He is God.

I am not.

Here's to developing more trust in God!!!

Kitt.